


Potato Pants

by noraebangbang



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 20:06:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4679657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noraebangbang/pseuds/noraebangbang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sehun works a crappy late-night job in a corner market. Chanyeol lost a bet. There are potatoes in weird places. Also, a duck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Potato Pants

Third shift was always a gamble. Either nothing ever happened, or every weird-ass thing imaginable happened all at once. It’s been a long streak of nothing at the Mart, which means something was brewing and with Sehun’s luck, he’d be on duty for it.

Two months back, he’d managed to get sucked into helping a customer who went into labor. He’d never been angrier than he was while mopping up amniotic fluid from aisle five. For three weeks straight right after he’d been hired last year, a duck would come in, walk to the grapes on display, and take a few before walking back out. Sometimes Sehun wonders how that duck’s doing.

He sits on an overturned milk crate behind the register, humming along to a song he hates playing on the cheap radio his boss so generously gifted the employees. It’s a shit job. Everything about it is shit. He hates scanning people’s weird late-night purchases. He hates making small talk. He hates dealing with drunk assholes who stop in from the bar next door. But given his lack of marketable skills—which is honestly debatable, if you ask him—and the serious deficit in jobs around town, it’s either shitty cashier gig or starve.

The radio switches over to a less aurally offensive song, and Sehun turns a page in his magazine. It’s been three hours and only one customer’s come in, a round balding man who bought toilet paper and a two-liter. Definitely a boring night.

Five songs later and there’s commotion near the automatic doors. Sehun sighs; the drunks must’ve vacated the bar early. He closes his magazine and stares as a pair of boys make their way in, chattering at one another incessantly without much care to other people around. Not that there were other people around. They’re an amusing-looking pair, with one being nearly two heads taller than the other. They look to be about his age, maybe a little older, and definitely not the usual drunks. The tall one’s pants are tucked into undone combat boots, and he’s wearing a hoodie that makes his slender frame look that much smaller. This could be interesting.

“Why can’t I just do something else?” the tall one whines. The littler one shoves him toward the produce section with some words that Sehun doesn’t catch, and Sehun leans on his crate to see better.

There’s bickering that he can’t quite hear, and lots of flailing of the tall one’s gangly arms, and then—he stuffs a potato into his pants. Sehun blinks a few times, looks around as if to get confirmation from someone that isn’t even there, then stares again. This tall guy is definitely putting potatoes into his pants. Not in the pockets, as if that might make it better. Actual potatoes, down the actual front of his pants.

After the tenth potato, Sehun has the thought that maybe he should put a stop to this. But the smaller guy is cackling, and the taller one tries to look dignified with his lumpy pant legs and snapback that makes his huge ears stick out even more. Sehun finds himself starting to smile, too.

“My pants are going to fall down,” the tall guy whines.

“You should’ve worn a belt. Now go buy me beer.”

“This is the stupidest bet…” The tall guy grumbles his way to the drinks, waddling carefully, and pulls a six pack out.

Sehun stares as they approach, alternating between their faces and the lumpy potato pants. The tall guy plops the six pack down on the counter and puffs his chest out in an attempt to…Sehun isn’t really sure what. Look proud? Act normal? Whatever it is, it does not work.

“Good evening, young man,” the tall guy says. His deep voice just makes this whole thing that much more absurd.

Sehun looks at the short one, who is doing a piss-poor job of hiding his wide grin, then turns his eyes up to this tall guy.

“How many did you fit?” he asks, standing and scanning the six-pack. He doesn’t bother asking for ID. He genuinely doesn’t care.

“…Excuse me?”

“You have potatoes in your pants and I got bored with counting at fifteen.” Sehun sticks the six pack into a plastic bag. “Don’t take them out; I’m not touching them. Just tell me how many so I can punch it in.” He waits, hand hovering over the register, then looks at this guy again when there’s only the short one’s snickering. “Okay well I’m just going to say fifteen. Whatever.”

“I got to thirty, actually,” the tall guy says. As if it were some affront to think he could only fit fifteen.

“He has very long legs,” the short one chimes in.

“Okay…” Sehun rolls his eyes and pulls up the code for potatoes to add it to the ticket. “What are you going to do with thirty crotch potatoes?”

“I did not think that far ahead,” the tall one tries to continue sounding dignified and it just makes Sehun feel bad for him. “You’re really going to make me pay for thirty potatoes?”

“Well you can’t just put them back,” Sehun says.

“Yeah, Chanyeol, nobody wants potatoes that’ve touched your balls,” the short one gets back to his laughing fit.

_Chanyeol_ , Sehun repeats in his head. Chanyeol, a tall guy with giant ears and pants full of potatoes. Definitely the most interesting customer of the month. Probably the tallest. Cutest is negligible.

“Twenty-eight thirty, _Chanyeol_ ,” Sehun smirks. Chanyeol’s bravado slips into a grouchy pout.

“For potatoes?” he asks. “And don’t say my name like that unless I can say yours…” He leans across the counter, but Sehun covers his name tag and turns. “That’s cheating.”

“Sehun,” the short one says, and Sehun thinks about taking one of those crotch potatoes and throwing it at him.

“Thanks, Baek. I refuse to pay that much money for potatoes, _Sehun_ ,” Chanyeol says, folding his arms over his chest.

“Okay,” Sehun nods. “This’ll be a fun story for the cops.”

“No, wait!” Chanyeol slaps the phone from Sehun’s hand and looks momentarily startled about having done so, which just makes the short one laugh harder, practically collapsing against the counter. Chanyeol takes his wallet out and slams down a fifty, then grabs the plastic bag. “Keep the change.”

His attempt to look cool while sauntering out with thirty potatoes down his pants fails miserably, and Sehun almost feels a little sad about going back to his magazine and shitty music. He wonders if maybe the duck will come back.

The automatic door chime dings again, and Sehun looks up to see the Chanyeol waddling back in. “Actually,” he says as he approaches the counter. “Do you think I could get my change?”

Sehun smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written to fulfill [this prompt](http://exopromptmeme.livejournal.com/20338.html?thread=8936562#t8936562). I'm not even sorry.


End file.
